Is Honesty The Best Policy?
A caller recently lamented over his wife’s weight gain, confessing that he was no longer sexually attracted to her. I suggested he speak with her about it. He said he was afraid to hurt her feelings. “Even if you make it a health issue?” I asked.
What would you do if you were the husband? How would you feel if you were the wife? What will happen to this marriage? Is it a set up for an affair?
Is a little lie ever okay? Should you tell the complete truth even if someone’s feelings are at risk?
Author Brad Blanton, in his book “Honest To God”, co-authored with Neale Donald Walsch, talks about how people fear the intensity of their feelings. “We usually go to the level of emotional interpretation and try to “understand” our feelings as a way of avoiding having the feelings at the level of sensation in our body” (2002). If you are in your head interpreting, are you over intellectualizing to avoid feelings? Are you secretly angry with the person? Do you take yourself out of your feelings to stay in your comfort zone?
If you are afraid of your own feelings, then no wonder you are reticent to hurt someone else’s. The cost of little white lies, “cover ups” or protecting someone’s feelings could be the relationship.
I believe we have to start telling it like it is – one truth at a time. Stay in the conversation with someone until it is worked out. Ask for what you want. Stay consistent – keep your integrity – do what you say you are going to do. Then, the truth won’t be so scary.